My daily commute to work is an adventure because of the classic narrow stretch of Route 4 in Farmington, from Unionville to Interstate 84. The people of Farmington love our historic town and resist changes to the landscape unless it is to beautify our already scenic community. While some of us have the option to take beautiful back roads to surrounding towns in the Farmington Valley, many have no other choice but to make the trek to the interstate via this 5 mile stretch of “classic Route 4.” I often take the scenic back roads myself, but sometimes I brave Route 4 because it is a more direct route to work offering the convenience of coffee shops, an ATM and gas stations. When it’s clear and moving without a hitch, it’s worth it. The bottom line is; one can’t predict what they may encounter in taking this narrow route. The irregular and crazy traffic patterns during rush hours make it interesting to say the least. It was beyond interesting one morning this past week when Farmington Avenue (at Farmington’s elbow and welcoming sign) was blocked off with multiple detour signs and blockades. This was an area that served to break up traffic congestion and was a safe distance from the Farmington River. I could see a huge amount of work was underway beyond the barriers and detour signs. Bulldozers, trucks and large loads of dirt were everywhere. Oh well, I thought… at least I can zip down I-84 and still get to work on time. What was bothersome to me was the abrupt disconnect from a familiar route and the awareness that something huge was going on that I had been clueless about. There was no information given ahead of time, just upheaval and the directive to take another route.

It wasn’t until I got home from work that evening that I heard the news of what happened. Apparently, there was moving water underground that, over time, created a massive sink hole beneath the surface of the road. It was discovered just in time before a major safety disaster occurred. The town crews were at work hauling in tons of dirt for fill, putting in pipe-jacking and repairing an area of road that is heavily traversed. One can only imagine how horrific it would have been had the road collapsed. Thankfully, the town avoided a catastrophe.

Being me, I couldn’t help but make a metaphorical correlation of what I saw and felt; the disturbance and disruption, and then the additional information I received that put it all in perspective. I am one of hundreds of drivers that travel on that stretch of road daily and never would have suspected that anything like a collapse was possible. On the surface, everything appeared normal and nothing indicated that massive erosion was taking place beneath the surface of the road. After record amounts of precipitation in 2011, water seeped into a normally dry area underground and it was only a matter of time before it was causing erosion and creating the potential for peril. Thank God someone in the town picked up on some clues; one being water bubbling up from a manhole on the road.

It reminded me that there really are clues in all types of scenarios. It is best if we don’t ignore them! That includes clues with people that we may feel a sense of familiarity with. Unbeknownst to us there has been ongoing inner erosion they’ve allowed that is not outwardly visible. I’m an optimist and one that focuses on positives and potential. However, I’ve learned over time through a lot of grief and sorrow that to ignore clues will set us up for palpable heart-ache and challenges in healing once we discover that what appeared substantive has no foundation at all. The sad fact is that there are some very outwardly appealing people around (both genders) that present an attractive road to travel. We can become familiar and magnetized to the persona they project long before we become aware of shallow character, self-absorption and petty barbs manifesting from emotional immaturity. In a culture that is increasingly fast-paced and consumer driven, it is more crucial than ever to heed the clues and warnings that upset our inner rhythm and heart-peace. We can be consumed or knocked off our feet if we’re not careful and cognitive of certain dangers and unpleasant realities.

It needs to be said that it’s absolutely appropriate to take a sharp detour or draw a boundary line with another person that repeatedly bubbles up warning sign after warning sign of unhealthy attitudes and behavior. Not only is it intelligent, but it is crucial. I’ve learned the hard way that some people with eroded identity issues are looking for “fill” at the expense of others. They will demand a fill rather than deal with their issues and grow up. Please recognize that the greatest disrespect a person can impose on another is to seek a “fix” by means of control that is executed in subtle emotional manipulation or condescending intimidation. It is the ultimate act of selfishness. If you carefully consider the clues presented, you will recognize the chill of indifference and the demands for your treasure. Don’t give it up!

There is always a place for forgiveness, but it is much better to heed the clues and move in another direction than become entangled in something that goes so deep and is so convoluted. There will be some that are equipped to be conduits and repairers of the breach, but they must be called to it. Even then, they may be temporary laborers or have a specific role at a specific point in time. The fill that is needed in the human heart and soul must be sought by a free-will choice. It must be so desired that there is a willingness to be undone so the rebuilding and refilling is collaborative, restorative and foundationally solid. It is a work that all will see.

It may seem like a strange analogy, but I’m convinced that the most dangerous aspect of life on earth has everything to do with people that look attractive and strong on the surface, but have dangerously cavernous holes in their heart that are cleverly hidden at the peril of those that are sincere and trustworthy. Heed the clues, take the detour and don’t be fooled by what appears familiar. The only thing you can control is what is going on in your own inner-life. Keep your heart healthy and guard it with all diligence for out of it flow the issues of life. (Proverbs 4:23)

All Rights Reserved 2011

While there have been many cranky people out there, I’ve also witnessed people helping their neighbors and total strangers in need. Storms and tough times reveal what’s going on inside of people like nothing else. “Inspiring and uplifting” are the words that come to mind while in the midst of people that rise above challenging circumstances and put others before comfort and self-interest.

It seems everywhere you go in a situation like this; you overhear someone asking someone else if they’ve got power. “Power” is the number one thing on everyone’s mind. Actually, electricity is what everyone is in need of, but the word “power” encompasses all that people have in mind when electricity is flowing uninterrupted.

Hearing these conversations over and over prompted me to think about the Power Source that everyone depends on for their very breath and life, but never goes out or off. When many wake at sunrise, they are not thinking about the Source of the new day that causes the sun to rise. Usually the first thing on our minds is getting our coffee, checking our email, cell phone and electronic calendars. Pause and think about that…

In the book of Genesis, we read that man (men and women) are created in the image of God. It seems so obvious (to me) that this is absolutely and divinely true. Most people I know have a great need to experience life with purpose, using their gifts, strength and talents in a way that is healthy for them, their family, neighbors, community and the world. Producing and serving others is God-like because God loves everyone and gave His best to us. Before the fall of man, God gave Adam work that was full of purpose and meaning. He gave Adam the gift of woman for relationship and as a complementary co-laborer. Sounds simplistic, but it’s apparent in Genesis that people were meant to work together and be responsible stewards on the earth. It comes down to choice, attitude and perspective within individuals.

When difficult times come and our routines and comfort zones are in chaos, we have the opportunity to evaluate the source behind our heart-motivations. If we are motivated by self alone, we are not living with purpose. If we are motivated by gratitude which is rooted in the love we’ve received from God in our heart, the smallest gesture or act of service impacts the hardest of hearts and transforms the atmosphere.

Working alongside a person with a positive attitude and healthy world view is a joy! When a disaster or challenging circumstances visit us, we may not be able to count on a utility company to service us, but we can continually strive to anchor our hearts in the Power Source that produces gratitude and an authentic desire to help and serve others with a genuine smile.

All the talk about “power” this past week has been a great opportunity to consider our individual priorities and the bigger picture beyond ourselves. Nobody enjoys inconvenience, lack of heat, lack of light and financial loss. These things will pass and the sun will continue to rise each morning. I for one have been reminded that with each sunrise, God blesses us with new mercies. Electricity is an incredible resource and luxury. “God with us” is priceless!

I’ve been thinking about bravery and courage a lot over the past few years. The life of William Wallace is a volatile reminder that freedom is not free and we must be ever-ready to stand and fight against all that threatens freedom. Wallace died a free man and challenged multitudes to live and die, free. As a believer and disciple of Jesus Christ, the same courage must be exercised in the battle with unseen enemies in the spirit realm.

In looking up the meaning of the word courage I came across two definitions; one I agree with and one that I don’t fully agree with. Here they are:

1.      Have the courage of one’s convictions, to act in accordance with one’s beliefs, especially in spite of criticism or great difficulty.

2.      Courage permits one to face extreme dangers and difficulties without fear.

I can’t completely agree with the second definition. After speaking with those that have served in the military, police and fire departments; I’ve heard many say that they indeed feel fear when facing danger. The commitment they made to serve their country or serve their community has everything to do with a compelling conviction they believe in, but they are also fully aware of the risk and danger in the commitment they’ve made. In various ways, I’m sure many of us can think of a time when we felt fear while compelled to fight for something we value. It seems more accurate to combine portions of the above mentioned definitions of courage to read like this:

“Courage is when one will act in accordance with their own compelling beliefs, and the conviction of those beliefs empowers one to face danger and difficulty while experiencing fear.”

How can we fully contemplate the meaning of courage until we carefully consider the foe of fear? Obviously there are healthy fears that all of us consider. We should be afraid of things like placing our hand on a hot stovetop, swimming in shark infested waters or the consequences of violating the law. Healthy fears provide boundaries to protect us, but there is another type of fear that is destructive and operates from the inside out.

Fear grows in an environment of neglect, abuse, prejudice, indifference, violation, ignorance or lack of healthy love. Sometimes fear enters in as a result of a devastating experience that is completely out of our control. There are many scenarios and many doors by which fear can enter into our heart. One aspect of the way fear seeks to devalue and paralyze us is through deception and betrayal. Human beings have a large capacity to love and trust with an open heart until they experience the sting of being deceived, betrayed and/or violated. Within the vulnerable human heart, a strange dichotomy can exist of sweetness and rage. This is the ground that is fertile for idolatry and everything that counterfeits spiritual authority and love. This is where an unseen war is taking place and freedom is at stake. Fear becomes a formidable foe that disguises itself as our friend in the unhealthy places of our soul (mind, will and emotions). Self-justified and self-righteous victims manifest the toxic residue of their painful experiences in ways that devastate other human beings. Every human being is capable of this. The saying, “Hurting people, hurt people,” is accurate to say the least. There is a place for empathy, grace and ministry, and we must always separate the enemy from a human being that is oppressed and captive – this can be quite challenging on many levels. Prayer is a powerful weapon in tearing down strongholds of thought and loving others into a place where they choose freedom of their own free will.

In areas of our heart where we have been deeply offended, we will be at war with fear due to the insecurity created by an unattended wound.  We may not recognize it as fear because emotions of anger cloud our thinking and pride begins to put up defensive walls of protection around our heart. Our enemy is winning the battle from the inside out through isolation, self-pity, anger, pride, rebellion and the inability to be truly known and experience real intimacy with God and human beings that love us with healthy love. Temporary coping mechanisms bring short-lived relief and long-term alienation. By all outward appearances, someone may seem productive, successful, gifted and happy; yet there is an inner war going on that dilutes their real identity and feeds an increasing restlessness and overall discontent. Humility and forgiveness (forgiving ourselves, too) facilitates healing and peace and also allows for cognitive thought related to recovering ourselves from the snare of the enemy (2 Timothy 2:26). Our greatest pain will be in acknowledging that we were wrongly aligned and deceived. We must grieve the losses and move on.

Until we invite the light of Truth to shine in our darkness, our wounds will remain unredeemed and the enemy of our soul will have room to continue to manipulate us emotionally and cripple us spiritually. It’s never just about us either… we are not islands unto ourselves. Never underestimate the destructive nature of fear! Grace and Truth, coupled with time, as the Holy Spirit works in unseen places, is a crucial factor in taking higher ground and defeating the darkness. Our faith is in our Victor, Jesus Christ, and experiential revelation comes to us that we were never alone. Fear was in the way of believing God and resting in the reality of His Love and provision. He is the Liberator of our souls and is ever-present no matter how we feel or how things appear.

We may think we can ignore the foe of fear and work around the captive places deep inside our heart with a stubborn refusal to acknowledge or visit that area, but this state of being sets us up for perpetual defeat. Fear will sabotage our relationships, our productivity, purpose, health and peace. The truth is, most of us attempt to take an easier path, a less painful way,  a journey where we can go AWOL from the war and attempt to give ourselves what we think will satisfy our unmet longings and needs. This is nothing less than idolatry and putting ourselves in the place of God over our lives. The unseen enemy of fear will continue to control us until and unless we are willing to acknowledge that we are not free at all.  

Not one of us has to settle for a life where any part of us is still oppressed by fear. We all long to live with purpose and inner peace. Captivity to fear will prevent us from experiencing intimacy with our Creator and growing in our secure, unique and authentic identity. For the believer, there should be no question about living free. To ignore the battle is to default in defeat. 

What would motivate us to desire complete freedom? William Wallace tasted and knew what real freedom was. Whether he experienced it in his young life, or was taught by an elder or in some other manner, he knew it was worth fighting for. Once we taste and see what freedom truly is, we will possess the compelling and empowering conviction to fight for it, no matter the cost! Yes, there will be danger, risk and an outcome that may be different from our expectations, but we will not be disappointed or regret our choice to fight for what is honorable, for what is real. The alternative is living life under a tyrannical enemy that continually manipulates us emotionally and erodes our true identity. Living in shadows and loathing ourselves or others is not a life of freedom. Counterfeit comforts will never satisfy our soul, but will perpetuate a more numbing pain that holds us in cyclical bondage. With every invitation to allow God to displace fear with truth, we fight as free men and women because we refuse to bow to fear. We will feel fear, and experience some pain, but we will not be a slave to it. We fight while feeling afraid and our dignity remains. How is this possible? The Christ-follower feeds on the Bread of Life, and with a renewed mind is empowered to act on pure conviction, rooted in love. Christ becomes our stronghold and when we are established in His love, we understand that nothing can shake or take our freedom from us.

I love the scene from Braveheart when William Wallace is challenging his fellow countryman to fight and he asks them, “What will you do without freedom – will you fight?” One from the crowd says, “We will run and live.” William Wallace replies, “You will live, at least awhile. And dying in your beds many years from now, will you be willing to trade all the days from this day until that day for one chance to tell our enemy that they will never take our FREEDOM!” He rallies them to see what they are really fighting for and what a life without freedom will amount to.

If you are willing to fight the battle against the tyrannical spirit of fear, you will be fighting as a free man or woman. Like William Wallace, it will require tenacity and courage! For the Christ-follower, our victory is secure as we trust Him to rule and reign over our heart. Our enemy will continue to roam around like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. His tactics to defeat us will always include fear and intimidation. He’s a master at portraying false evidence as appearing real. Our stronghold is the love of Christ. The compelling truth about why Jesus came to earth and what He did in love for us empowers us to keep fear under our feet. Love is always a choice for freedom and one that requires courage! Could this be why so many love the movie Braveheart? It’s the story about the desire within each one of us to live free. Yes, I’m convinced that even when feeling fear, our compelling conviction related to real freedom will empower us to fight with brave hearts and love others out of their defeat and bondage.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love.” – 1 John 4:18

“When we put our trust in God, life begins to make sense!” – Jay Abramson

All Rights Reserved  2011

Been drifting, drinking from empty wells

Shadows, phantom idols delay

And I wait, I wait… wait for you

Throw off weights, refuse bitter morsels

Wade in the cleansing flow of my Love

Refreshed like a summer rain

Dazzling like the morning dew

Be with Me, Be with Me

Savor sweet communion

Be with Me, Be with Me

Find the real you

Be with Me, Be with Me

Let Me love you, love through you

All is ready, perfectly prepared

Trust Me to build strength triumphant

I clothe with dignity, glory and honor

And I wait, I wait…wait for you

Abandon what mocks you, crooked dreams

Now’s the time, while detours still beckon

Offer Me your coldest fears, your blazing lusts

I will have you dance on their grave

Be with Me, Be with Me

Savor sweet communion

Be with Me, Be with Me

Find the real you

Be with Me, Be with Me

Let Me love you, love through you

Been waiting, watching…

Longing for you to long for Me

Will you choose Life… real Love?

Here I AM, steady now…  

Be with Me, Be with Me

Savor sweet communion

Be with Me, Be with Me

Find the real you

Be with Me, Be with Me

Let Me love you, love through you

All Rights Reserved 2011

(John 5:24) He that hears My Word, and believes on Him that sent Me, has everlasting life, and shall not come into condemnation; but is passed from death unto life.

Well, it’s the end of the Thanksgiving weekend 2010 and I can’t ever remember being more thankful than I am right now. Even with battling a cold over several days and being a tad bit worn down, I feel energized in my spirit and rested in my soul. It was several weeks back while getting away to Maine with a few girlfriends that a fortnight of reflection began rolling over me like the washing of warm, gentle waves. Sometimes life’s journey leaves us with many unanswered questions and feelings that require choices in our will. For me, that is where my faith in Christ is an unspeakable blessing. Once we receive His free gift of salvation and invite Him to be Lord of our lives, the amazing work of His Holy Spirit is ever-present, active and always available for empowerment to live as an overcomer. Why we are so slow to accept or embrace the loving yet fierce power flowing from the Creator of the universe is quite beyond my finite understanding. However, I’ve been quickened in various measures over various seasons of life in getting glimpses of how tender our Lord is with us, how patient, and how wise He is in HIS understanding of where we are in our soul, in our growth, in our struggles, at any given point on our journey. We are all so complex, intricate and diverse, yet the Lord of Love NEVER stops pursuing us and He has established the belief in me (in every fiber in my being) that He is SO FOR US, SO IN LOVE WITH US, and so willing to lavish us with life in abundance and overflowing.

I walked through and out of the darkest spiritual season of my life from about mid-2009 through mid-2010. I felt things I never dreamed I would feel as a believer and as a disciple of Christ and I wondered why He seemed so hidden from me in perplexing circumstances that felt like my soul was going to drown in. I had been expecting something so different after investing so much of my heart, time, physical strength and passionate service into relationships, ministry and career for so long. I could not reason or logically make sense of where I found myself or how I would rise from the ashes of what seemed to be the sum total of my life at 50 years old!

Walking by faith became my credo and His Word became my cherished treasure and the Bread that would keep me alive in every sense of the word. In the midst of circumstances I wanted to escape from and feelings I wanted to ignore, and clouds that hung heavy day in and day out, there WAS a supernatural God-work taking place in the darkness. I had read books about the Dark Night of the Soul, mid-life crisis issues, and all the symbolism and wonder of the butterfly that once crawled as a caterpillar and entered the dark chrysalis to literally hang upside down and WAIT! Did they help? Yes, to some degree, and I’m thankful that we have resources like that to encourage us and remind us that many before us have overcome after deep loss and intense battles on their pilgrimage. I write because I’m impassioned and I pray my own life-lessons and experiences may encourage others. Walking in, through and out of the valley of the shadow of death is something that is beyond my ability to put into words. There is a great temptation to think it will never end, that you will never “feel” anything beyond numb again, and even if you do, you will probably never find your world is bright again. Your dreams seem dead and the promises of God appear to be contradicted. What was revealed to me as I began walking out of this very different season of my life was that once again, my finite human understanding was limiting God’s supernatural work to my paradigms of what a supernatural work of God looks like. Did a baby in a manger “look” like it was a supernatural work of God to save the world? We tend to always think of a miracle or a work of God as something that is going to make us FEEL good, appear grandiose, manifest outwardly for all to see or fulfill our dreams on our time-table. Those miracles, signs and wonders can certainly be legitimate, glorious and have their place in God’s plans and purposes! But, what about when God answers the deepest longings of our soul and answers our prayer by first bringing us into a desert or wilderness season where we have no sense of control, when our ego is being put to death or we just can’t feel or find Him no matter how much we shed hot tears and plead for that quick breakthrough that will fix everything?

Beloved friends, sisters and brothers … He is faithful to us!! Our God is committed to walking WITH US and will rescue us from ourselves if we will allow Him to. The enemy was completely defeated at the cross and it is only in the places he gained entrance, whether through temptation or forced entrance through victimization that becomes the battle ground for our will to choose what we will believe about God. God IS who He says He is. He can DO what He says He can do. You are who He says you are and you can do what He prompts and instructs you to do as you lay down your life, offer Him your will and receive empowerment from His Holy Spirit. His Word is ALIVE and ACTIVE in us. The question becomes… will we receive and appropriate what He already finished at the cross?  Will we stop relying on our self-efforts to please him or earn His favor when the Father receives us and blesses us solely on the righteousness of Christ’s finished work on the Cross alone. Is it that simple?  Yes, I think that’s why we miss it over and over. We don’t realize how conditioned we are by unhealthy habitual self-talk and thinking that is not rooted in Truth or Love. Many of us have also found it very challenging to guard our quiet time with Him, cherishing it and giving ourselves fully to the study and meditation of the treasure in His Word. The Holy Spirit will not force Himself on us, He waits… He waits on our invitation.

Please don’t be confused… I’m not referring to a passive life of inactivity, fantasy or an excuse to live recklessly and label it the abundant life. I love to live with purpose and impact and that is the way the Lord designed us. We were created first for intimate relationship with Him and out of that natural communion of abiding in the Vine flows a life of productive, fulfilling, impacting and purposeful work. In Him, we experience soul-rest on the busiest of days, unshakable peace and a deep-down joy that offers this hurting world a “taste and see” of what Kingdom life is all about. It’s a heart-attitude, a lifestyle of worship in spirit and in truth.

I believe there is an awakening that is taking place in the body of Christ for those that are weary of “trying” to be a good Christian and finding themselves frustrated rather than embracing their brokenness in humility, celebrating their redemption, and allowing for reformation as a vessel consecrated to their Creator – a life lived out of the overflow and the joy of being a drink-offering to those who thirst. For me, my striving in self-effort needed the fatal death blow so I could see where I was captive to subtle UNBELIEF. That is where it is intensely challenging for the soul to process. As believers, we’ve experienced God’s goodness on many levels, we’ve known of His power to save and deliver us from a variety of things, we’ve felt the passion in our worship, the warmth of fellowship with other believers and the varied blessings of all types that have come from a gracious and loving Father. We’ve heard hundreds of teachings and sermons, served on various teams or committees, we’ve been sent off on our mission trips and pray the best we know how. Is that not enough for God? The price Jesus paid at the cross is what is enough for God and anything we do for God that matters manifests from that revelation and the love we’ve first received from Him.

All those areas of passionate service and investment are good and we should keep doing good and serving, but we don’t realize how subtly we can be tempted to put our trust in what we are doing for God rather than what He has done for us at the Cross. We become consumed with what we must do rather than beholding the Love of our Savior, Deliverer and Redeemer; allowing Him to transform our hearts and empower us by His Spirit for focused, fruitful work that is inspired and directed by Him. We unknowingly try to fill our own cup with affirmation through accomplishments and relationships with other people rather than allowing Him to continually fill us and flow through us in unhindered devotion. There is a release of our spirit that frees us in rest to live in our real identity and fulfill all our potential for His glory. I realize now that in God’s great mercy, patience and grace, my release from the captivity of self has been gradual, leading up to a “death blow” that I unknowingly had been praying for in my season of clouds and shadows. God does want me to joy in accomplishment and the fulfillment of goals, He does want me to cherish healthy, loving relationships. But first, I must receive from Him. He grants us the desires of our heart when we delight in Him.

So this is why I entitled this month’s rant The Three “R”s. For me, there were three critical revelations I needed to embrace. I don’t suggest that this will be the experience of every believer, but for whatever reasons, they were mine. In the darkest days I could’ve ever imagined walking through as a Christian; the Living Word kept me alive and was actively working in places I could not see to liberate me from unseen chains that had held me hostage to a life that was not authentically mine. It was revealed in and by the Word that my life is not my own, my life is hidden in the One who bought me with His blood, and I could be RELEASED from the strongholds of mind that were sabotaging me as a daughter of the Most High God.  In this release I could grow in the knowledge of the REST that is bequeathed to me in my Lord as I am yoked with Him and allow the burdens of life to become light. As I walk in His rest, I am liberated to be the REAL me, assured that I am highly favored by my God and He is always working all things together for my good. This abundant life in Christ is not a formula and not found in will-power or positive thinking. This abundant life in Christ is an experiential spiritual reality that is completely founded on the devotion and love of God toward us. We must receive this gift with faith like that of a child.

I have found that our spirit is quite in tune with what is truly real. It is just that we are very complex beings and ever since the fall in the Garden, our flesh detests being found out and we have very sophisticated defense mechanisms that feed denial in order to shift focus away from our true condition apart from the redeeming work of Christ. That is the trap that even the most sincere, devoted Christ-followers fall into and become desensitized by life’s hurts, offenses and the bait of the enemy to feel entitled and justified in our independence and carnal ways. Until, we are willing to invite our Creator to excavate the deception we’ve bowed to in our souls, we forfeit the incredible blessing of truly BELIEVING our God for ALL He has purposed for us before the foundation of the world. Condemnation kills and the accuser of the brethren knows how effective condemnation is in crippling God’s kids, even if it’s lodged in our sub-conscious. BELIEVE GOD beloved, and find the RELEASE, REST and the REAL YOU that the Lord has been waiting to shine through radiantly, in a dark and desperate world. ~ Selah ~

All Rights Reserved 2010

Martha and Mary were both dear women that cared about others, loved God and had their share of responsibilities and concerns. They both possessed the blessing of friendship with Jesus while he ministered on earth.  Mary, however, learned to receive and take what Jesus always intended for us to have. Martha was very distracted, very busy “doing” for her Lord and others. I’m sure she learned the same lesson Mary did, but only after a loving rebuke by Jesus and witnessing the benefits lavished upon her sister. Resentment, jealousy and anger are defeated when the heart responds to the One that can order everything, bring calm out of chaos and displace a victim mentality with the glorious perspective of an overcomer. Sadly, some of us have to burn-out in our doing before we learn the painful lesson of the “one thing that is needful and that won’t be taken from us.”

Was it the activity and desire to serve others that was Martha’s problem?  I don’t think so. Jesus knew very well what needed to be done and that someone had to fulfill those responsibilities. It was more an issue with the inner person becoming disconnected with her Creator and what should have been the central focus and love of her life. Mary, on the other hand, was taking pleasure in Jesus, engaging with Him and loving the intimacy she shared with Him.

I suspect I am a lot like Martha by nature! I love a spotless house and everything in order even when I’m not entertaining guests. At work, I like to be ahead of things and work in an organized environment with healthy structure and with team players. I found it difficult to relax in the past when the responsibilities seemed greater than one should bear. I would go, go, go until I was ready to drop and then feel resentful that I had to do so much work while others seemed to do nothing and reap all the benefits! Then I would complain to God and ask Him why things were so unfair and what was He going to do about it!?!

It is only now in hindsight that I can thank my Lord over and over that He did not leave me in my former condition! He “made me lie down in green pastures,” so to speak, for a period of time that seemed like forever. He halted almost everything that I was passionate about doing, closed every door I wanted to bolt through, and even hid Himself in ways that made me desperate for HIM ALONE!!! It was a different kind of brokenness and deliverance from an addiction to anxious busyness, fragmentation and a divided heart that was diminishing my awareness of all that was mine as a daughter of the Most High God. No more would I be allowed to “do” in the name of my Lord while being horrifically distracted from my first love.

After a long period of solitude and contemplation, my heart is overflowing with gratitude that this breakthrough came by His grace. There are still very real responsibilities and work to do in my life. Actually, I enjoy work like never before, thrive on creative expression and service that nurtures and encourages with purpose and love! The breakthrough was a supernatural work of the Holy Spirit and the answer to a heart-prayer that was deep inside for a long time. Amazing how we pray things, and we really have no clue what we’re asking or longing for at times. He knows though, and He is faithful, even when we are not! He does the work that we can’t! The difference now is how I go about my work, Who I am relying on, and the rest I daily choose to remain in even on the busiest of days. This is what Jesus bought for me and for you by His perfect, sinless, holy blood. It’s our inheritance!  When we’ve entered His rest, we experience the free-flow of unlimited grace and abundance.

There is nothing like the peace that Jesus brings when we know that our life is hidden in Him. When we take time to first soak in His presence, enjoy, and take pleasure in Him.  Frustration and fragmentation gives way to amazing flexibility, fun and the peace that nothing else brings on this earth. Martha became the picture of the active serving of Jesus while missing Him. Mary is the picture of the contemplative life, the life engaged with Jesus at the center of her heart. In the cherishing of Jesus, Mary possesses the stability to deal with the responsibilities without having a meltdown or becoming resentful, irritable and touchy.

The M & M’s were just a story that went right over my head for the longest time. You see, I was TOO BUSY to really consider the depth of meaning in this story and the relevance it held for me personally. It’s been a painful, but necessary lesson in my spiritual growth and development; one I will never forget and one that will remain dear to my heart for all my days. For you see, all my days from here on out will be restful days of communion and reliance on the One that loves me and gave His all for me to live the abundant life of Grace that is only possible in Him.

It’s October 31, 2010 and I’ve got plain, peanut and special bags of M & M’s ready for the kids that will come to the door for candy tonight. But today as I looked at those bags of candy, I thought about the sweetest gift in my life this past year… the gift of the lesson of Martha and Mary and what that will mean for many more years to come.

All Rights Reserved 2010

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SHIFTING SEASONS

John 4:14  “But whoever drinks of the water that I will give him shall never thirst; but the water that I will give him will become in him a well of water springing up to eternal life.”

Isaiah 58:10-11 “And if you give yourself to the hungry and satisfy the desire of the afflicted, then your light will rise in darkness and your gloom will become like midday. And the Lord will continually guide you, and satisfy your desire in scorched places, and give strength to your bones; and you will be like a watered garden, and like a spring of water whose waters do not fail.” 

Of all the seasonal transition times, the transition from summer to fall has become my new favorite, even more so than the transition from winter to spring in all its rebirth and renewal. I suppose this may be, in part, because of my ponderings and epiphanies of this past year. I’m anticipating a glorious harvest season, not only in the natural realm but in the spirit.

It was just a little over a month ago when New Englanders began to notice the shift in the seasons. While still officially being summer, nature began preparing us for autumn to take center stage. Cool nights were a refreshing change for sleeping. With gladness I welcomed the shift in evening temperatures and I like it when the time comes to reach for those bed covers in a half-sleep in the wee hours of the morning. I snuggle up to my neck in the warmth of a quilt while breathing in the crisp air. The cool temperatures at dawn make a hot cup of coffee and a soft fleece blanket covering my lap all the more inviting during my quiet time.

Here in New England, acorns began dropping from the trees early due to a lack of rain. The rivers and streams were the lowest I could remember seeing them. We needed rain to quench the ground’s thirst. Lawns were burnt out except for those with the luxury of sprinkler systems. While plenty of summer days remained, nature’s cues were everywhere during the seasonal overlap. Colors, temperatures, daylight and gardens were part of the daily reminders of the ever-changing cycles and seasons in life. It was time once again to savor the remnants of summer while anticipating the richness of autumn. I found myself doing just that in a variety of ways daily. The fuchsia flowers on the morning glory vine were a stunning and persistent display of summer radiance each morning. On my daily walk, I would pass by a neighbor’s spectacular rose garden which boasts every color rose bush you can imagine and three of those rose bushes were different shades of pink! One particular day, I walked right up to the edge of the garden and burrowed my face into the largest dark pink rose I’d ever seen. The dew encircled my nose and mouth and the fragrance burst forth like scent from Heaven. I also spent many hours journaling and writing at my laptop outside in the backyard. How I appreciated the birds chatting and chirping and one friendly robin in particular, visiting me throughout the day while splashing away in the bird bath. After fully clean, Mr. Robin would perch on the side of the bird bath and just stare at me as I clicked away at the keyboard. As summer began to wind down, the squirrels and chipmunks could be seen scurrying around gathering their treasures. As I reflected on the shifting seasons in nature, I couldn’t help but ponder the shifting seasons of my life. What treasures would I gather and store in my heart long after the most recent wilderness and transition season had passed?

A little over a year ago, my own personal wilderness led me to the awareness that I needed heart-tending and needed it badly. In terms of my heart being a garden, would I willingly allow the Chief Gardener to apply His perfect work? Would I maintain an attitude of gratitude while receiving Grace and assimilating Truth? Would I offer Him the praise and worship He is due while reformation was underway? Would I whine and complain OR believe and receive?

The past year of my life was the most unique, unexpected and God-ordained season I had ever experienced. Many familiar doors closed in my life. At first I could not recognize the extraordinary value of where I found myself to be. I felt somewhat lost and disoriented. I was incredibly thirsty and incredibly desperate for a rhema word from God. Whether I liked it or not, I was locked up with God, unable to move forward with any plans or goals of my own. Oh, it wasn’t that some of my plans were bad, selfish or not deposited by my Creator… no, no, no! It was about a deeper work of sanctification in my heart that would birth His fuller more fruitful plan, in His time and with His liberating frame of God-reference. My responsibility was to cooperate with Him and fully give myself over to Him. That might sound simplistic, but I truly had no idea that I had such great need to turn off and shut out the “captivity of activity” in my life that was causing me to miss out on deeper communion and an abundance of wisdom. It was my divinely appointed opportunity to cultivate a “Mary” relationship with Christ (as opposed to a dear, frazzled Martha-type that could not get past her perfectionism, restlessness and narrow focus). It wasn’t that activity or service was negative in and of itself (the Lord knows what needs to get done and He was the perfect picture of restful increase and fruitful work, minus the frenzy).  It was time for me to shift into focused, Holy Spirit led activity and service that is a natural manifestation of resting in the finished work of Christ. I was weary of doing things in my own strength and hoping God would bless those efforts (ouch!). Entering His rest (Hebrews 4:11) was a concept that I had long wrestled with in my longing to assimilate its Truth as an established spiritual reality. No matter the distractions and detours that divert us, we can be grateful that God pursues us and continually works all things for our good, even our stumbling and failures. Such Grace! ~Selah.

I have always been one that highly values prayer, study and meditating in the Word of God. I enjoy giving and serving immensely. I did not understand that the Lord was going to draw new boundary lines while enlarging my territory in Him. He would take me past my own paradigms and self-imposed limitations and show me that there was no place for unbelief in one of His own. He would quiet the noise in my head, clear out the clutter, and cleanse me by the washing of the water of the Word. Religious thinking and restless striving were not to be a part of my life any longer. He knew how to draw me to a place of intense thirst for Him and a hunger for the release of my spirit from the confines of soul domination. He was offering me a “severe mercy gift” in this season. A timely opportunity for me to willingly invite Him to tend to the garden of my heart with no more delays! Can there be any greater joy than to be a Spirit-led woman; vibrant and activated for kingdom purposes?

“Tending to the garden of my heart”… that might sound poetic and pretty, but I found out there are many aspects of His work that are not so pretty. I was aware that inviting the Chief Gardener to “tend” to me would further transform me and emit fragrance. I was also acutely aware that sitting at His feet and being still is a “flesh killer” that involves tremendous discomfort. There is nothing more painful than seeing our sin nature in the light of His Truth and also apart from receiving His redemptive gift of Grace in the areas where our independence has been in a high place in our heart. He doesn’t woo us there to shame us or condemn us, He woos us there to liberate us and lift us up into higher places of Love. In my willingness to appropriate the Grace He supplies, His reign in the rooms of my heart-house radiate His life. The garden tending is an ongoing gift of Love that we can receive or reject as we walk out our salvation. I had unknowingly hung a “do not enter” sign on the garden gate somewhere along the journey and was overdue for a major pruning and tending.

I discovered there were patches of fallow ground that needed to be tilled. There were some lovely areas of my heart that had already been tended to and were quite soft, sweet and ever ready to respond to the Master’s touch and leading. This was His work and I gladly placed etched stones of remembrance in those garden areas as I would need their reminder of His love and commitment to me from time-to-time. There were spots of embedded scraggly and thorny bushes that needed an ax laid to their root system. They were dark and desolate. Ouch! That work was excruciating. He knew exactly how to demolish those strongholds without my heart hemorrhaging out of control. He carefully purged and burned that ground for the planting of Heaven’s seed. That was the most intense and crucial part of His garden tending. There were some stubborn weeds that were growing wild and invading the healthy areas. Yes, you guessed it; He uprooted those weeds and to my surprise, that process wasn’t as painful as I anticipated. Nothing like those scraggly, thorny bushes that were stubbornly rooted, barren and menacing.

I knew He was putting a protective hedge about the garden of my heart that was sorely needed and long overdue. Until I invited Him into that garden, the hedge could not be erected and the garden was subject to diminished fruitfulness, drought and limited bounty and beauty. As He continued to tend the garden, my thirst grew greater and greater until I could hardly stand it. I didn’t realize that so much had to go of my own free will before I could absorb and eventually be saturated with the Living water I so desperately craved. The hedge provided perfect protection from thieves prowling around in hopes of snatching some tasty morsels before they could fully blossom. The destruction of the thorny bushes opened my spirit-man up to fresh Bread from Heaven. I was being fed in peaceful purpose with an undivided heart, blooming on the newly planted Shepherd-vine. The Shepherd-vine is one of a kind and has its roots in Heaven. It could now take to the newly tended soil with all its rich nutrients. The removal of the annoying weeds brought refreshing clarity and much needed space for aeration that allowed for necessary rest, giving way to greater revelation of Grace. The Shepherd-vine was not of the invasive, choking type at all. I saw it as nourishing and beautiful in its simplicity. It happily wove its way throughout the garden, bearing fragrant white flowers. Each flower had five petals each and all were tinged with a blood-red tear shape in the center of each petal. The Shepherd-vine tendrils had a multitude of fresh shoots all along the vine that could be torn off, and when broken, produced a soothing, healing balm for wounds.

My thirst was being fully satisfied; my garden was soaking in the life-giving water that activates the stunning vibrancy of healthy plants and flowers. The plants would serve as food for others while the flowers would serve as a visible sign of beauty and sweet fragrance, drawing the hungry and thirsty. It was Christ Himself that was the connecting vine and also the life-giving water in my garden. He had been waiting at the gate and beckoning me all along for an invitation to move into the garden and take full possession of it.

The truth is I had become comfortable and familiar in that old garden, allowing thorn bushes, weeds and open borders to diminish the Gardener’s place and purpose in my heart. The old garden had my name on it… the new garden had a fresh engraving on the entry trellis with the name, Glorious Grace.

This garden season of my life needed to be fully embraced. It required ongoing trust and tenacious perseverance. It has given way to yet another unnamed season I have entered… a season where the work of the Chief Gardener and the Great Vine Dresser will make His active presence known and His work (not mine) will be just as resplendent. For no matter what shifting of seasons may be upon me; I can be at rest knowing my striving is over as long as I am willing to leave the garden gate open for the Chief Gardener and allow the Living Water to flow.

Isaiah 40:4 “Let every valley be lifted up, and every mountain and hill be made low; and let the rough ground become a plain, and the rugged terrain a broad valley”

My Prayer: “O, Lord, let it be said of me that I cherished and embraced Your sanctifying work in my heart. Let it be known among the peoples that You reign in me as King of kings and Lord of lords. Live through me, write through me, speak through me and touch hearts through me. Be known and glorified in this vessel of clay and let me dance before You with joy unspeakable and full of glory. Delight in me, for I am my Beloved’s and You are mine.”

All Rights Reserved 2010

Twelve years ostracized

Labeled unclean by a flow of blood

I will receive, I will receive

Teacher, Healer, Master

Approachable, gentle, kind

I’ve heard You’re different

Dispensing Grace greater than law

Weakened, withered, weary

Qualified in desperation

Ignited by hope

Bowed down, crawling, determined

Suffocating crowd

Dust covered face

All pretense abandoned

Pressing on, pressing through

Tallit, tallit

To touch His tallit

Nothing else matters

Only one touch

Almost there, almost there

He need not know

One touch is all I need

I’m ever so close

Reaching, reaching

My heart is swelling

Oh, my Hope, I need You now

Here I am, all I am, all I am not

A swift grasp of His tallit

Flash of burn in my palm

Fire, surging within

Burn mellows, sweet warmth

Oh, I see, I see

Ohhhh, Redeemer, Healer,

You touched me!

You are the Holy One, Yeshua Messiah

Cleansing, all things new

Imparting more, oh so much more

Healed, but it’s You, it’s You

All encompassing LOVE, lost in You

Now slip away quietly

But no, there was more…

“Who touched me,” He said

Darling of Heaven turning his head

Captured, still, no fear in Love

My eyes swam in His, pure like a dove

Penetrating Love in a single glance

My heart met His in an intimate dance

That He would turn toward me!

No receiving from His backside

Old covenant gives way

New covenant beholding

The crowd is hushed

His Word is power

All His children

May fruitful be

“Daughter, your faith has made you well,

Go into Shalom Peace”

Gift of righteousness

Glorious Grace, Glorious Rest

All Rights Reserved 2010

Earlier in the week, we had a day in Connecticut that had to be one of the top ten best weather days of the year. It was a welcome break from the sweltering July humidity. The sky was a breathtaking shade of blue with some billowy clouds and the piercing sun rays cut through a portion of those puffy clouds penetrating downward like a beautiful fan of filtered flame. Finally… we were having a dry day with the added bonus of a pleasant breeze blowing from west to east. Ahhh…why can’t the entire summer consist of days like that?

I peddled my bike along the shady stretch of the walking/bike trail in Farmington that leads to the open area of bridge (complete with alcoves and benches) over the Farmington River. First, I rode down to Red Oak Hill Rd. before turning around. Just before I reached Red Oak Hill Rd., I stopped along the fencing past the trees so I could enjoy the variety of wildflowers that were in bloom. In the midst of all the wildflowers were several tall, stunning sunflowers that were tilting their happy faces heavenward as if to say, “Look at us, we’re in full bloom and we’re here with our fellow flowers-friends lifting our faces to our Creator.”

The older I get, the more I enjoy sunflowers. I used to think of them as gaudy, overgrown and a bit intimidating. Now I see them as happy “heralders” that brighten up any field and any room with their brilliant color, smiling faces, and hopeful message of life displayed in their numerous seeds. It’s as if they are showing us all the potential that is contained within each of us and daring us to stand tall and stand out in our individuality. There is no telling how many seeds we can plant when we are living in our authentic purpose and unafraid to be uncommon. The offering of our specific gifts and talents with the purpose of serving others naturally inspires those around us. We can’t measure the positive influence and impact we will have by simply standing strong and being a stable and loving presence wherever we are called to bloom.  The sunflower is a sturdy, happy flower that symbolizes a joyful message of hope in my heart.

After my visit with the wildflowers, I was back on my bike, riding toward the bridge over the river when I heard a snapping and tearing of branches and foliage. By the time I brought my bike to a complete stop there was a palpable stillness. About 30 yards to my right, a deer was standing still just behind a large tree. I am always taken in by their beauty when I see a hart or a hind and I’m in awe of their strength and grace. They have special significance for me related to a favorite scripture in the book of Habakkuk.

Habakkuk 3:19  The Lord God is my strength, and He has made my feet like hinds’ feet, and makes me walk on my high places.

After soaking in my view of the deer, I rode to the middle of the bridge over the Farmington River and parked my bike. The flow of the river was soothing and I welcomed the breeze at my back. A butterfly was flitting up and down, back and forth over the expanse of the river for several minutes before disappearing into the woods. A fly fisherman was standing peacefully at a strategic bend in the river waiting for his prize catch. This particular trek on the trail had some unexpected highlights and I was appreciating every one of them. The beauty of nature was filling my senses.

As I sat by the river taking in the sights and sounds, I began whispering to God, offering thanks for the day, for the splendor around me and most of all, for His abiding presence. I began thinking of the deer again and a promise that the Lord dropped in my heart many years ago. The promise came to me through a book that was written as an allegory. The main character was a girl that was slightly crippled in her legs, who was plagued by many fears and desperate to be changed and freed from physical and emotional limitations. She agreed to go on a journey, trusting her Shepherd to get her to a destination where His promise to her would be fulfilled. If she refused to turn back on the journey and made it to the High Places, she would no longer be limited by fear and would be given hinds’ feet. The Shepherd warned her there would be several enemies looking for opportunities to influence her and cause her to turn back, but if she placed her trust in Him, she would find the help needed all along the way. The promise of being able to leap and jump and ascend the heights of the mountains with ease thrilled her from head to toe. Most importantly, she would be conformed to the nature of the Shepherd, receiving and living in the love she was longing for.

I John 4:18   There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear.

I will forever be grateful to God for allowing this book to fall into my hands so many years ago! He knew how much I would relate to the main character and how her story would stir up the desire within me to embark on my own journey. Over the years, I was drawn to revisit the book in times of distress and difficulty in order to glean encouragement and comfort. My daughters were young when I began my personal journey to the High Place of Love. The gift of my daughters was a primary motivator for the journey to the High Places and I see God’s wisdom in not allowing me to fully comprehend, at the time, the perseverance that would be required. My heart was crying out to be liberated from strongholds of thought that were holding me back from being at peace with myself and the freedom to grow in my authentic identity.  Funny how we prefer a quick fix, instant miracle or easy way out when it comes to facing and dealing with the inner-man and the trials we encounter in life. Faith development is a process and although we experience the blessings and presence of God in a variety of ways, we must allow patience to have her perfect work in our lives. Everyone will face obstacles, delays or painful difficulties in this life because while not being “of the world” as a Christ-follower, we still occupy territory in this fallen world. That being said, life is tough enough and I truly did not want my daughters to inherit my fears or be limited in any way from living as healthy, whole individuals. I knew I could pass on a rich inheritance to my daughters and I was determined to model the life of an overcomer to them as I yielded my life and will to the Lord Jesus Christ. It was an intentional choice to make the ascent and trust Him to change me no matter what I faced or how impossible it seemed to be. Little did I know when this book came into my hands that the story within its pages would run congruent with my life for many years and inspire me repeatedly to keep going when I didn’t feel like it. The name of the book is Hinds’ Feet on High Places by Hannah Hurnard. A classic written by a remarkably brave woman and missionary.

When I think back over many years of my life, I can hardly believe I’m the same person that began the journey with only a promise and a trembling heart. Every obstacle and challenge along the way held its own specific terror for me, yet facing those fears and overcoming them was strengthening me and changing me from the inside out. Of course, while you’re on the journey, you are not aware that the changes are taking place because they are very gradual. And, there are always the lying voices of the enemy trying to convince you that it’s no use, it’s too difficult, that it would be better to give up or turn back. All lies and distractions that must be silenced by cleaving to the Shepherd, declaring His truths out loud and singing songs of deliverance if necessary. Like King David, I’ve found it absolutely necessary to encourage myself in the Living Word.

I’m sure that people that meet me now or in recent years would not believe that at one time I was afraid to talk to people, was terribly isolated and did not believe there was anything of value that My Creator could draw out of me by His grace and love. When I say I was living in a prison in my mind, I am not exaggerating! When you are freed from a prison like that, you want to tell anyone that will listen to you about the Hope that does not disappoint. (Romans 5:5) God’s love is the most powerful force in the universe and when we do not harden our heart toward Him and freely yield our will to Him, supernatural change takes place that advances us into a larger place of communion and trust. Once we possess new territory in Him we have a much clearer view in hindsight of the change that was only possible by His unmerited grace and loving-kindness. And, when we “know that we know” that transformation is impossible in our own strength; we are filled with a gratitude that purifies our motives and sanctifies our heart. We come to a place where our own shrinking heart can’t cause us to turn back… there is too much evidence of the love of the Shepherd and a growing desire to give ourselves completely to Him.

Fellow Pilgrims BEWARE:  “A hardening of our hearts means a resistance of our wills, for the heart is the throne room, the innermost place of control. And in the heart, either self-will is on the throne, or the will of God.”  (God’s Transmitters by Hannah Hurnard)

I am convinced that the Shepherd takes extreme pleasure in turning weakness into strength and fear into love and anything that has been marred into perfection in Him. It took me quite some time to see how subtly fear undermines all of us. It can be so subtle we don’t detect or identify it or recognize how it drives us and enslaves us to live under pressure and law. Even after overcoming many fears over the years and living more productively and fruitfully than I thought possible; I was still amazed and somewhat terrified that the Shepherd desired to shed His light and truth on more…. He wanted me to agree to let Him go directly into the caverns of my heart and lay an ax to a root of fear that was still hindering me from knowing Him fully as Love. He wanted to penetrate the core of my being and fill it with Himself. I regret to say dear reader that it was long struggle before I would willingly agree to lay my heart completely bare. Of course, in hindsight I see the foolishness and depth of my self-will and pride. The Lord could see every part of my heart crystal clear; it was myself that didn’t believe I could survive looking at it. I feared that He could not love me in my true condition. This distorted thinking was the cause of a lot of “stumbling forward” on the journey. I became very “muddy” at specific places, yet He kept extending His outstretched hand to me, with no trace of condemnation. It was a tremendous exercise in humility to see that my intellectual understanding and perceptions of God, grace and all the scripture I had memorized, quoted or spoken was no substitute for inviting the Shepherd to invade every area of my soul (mind, will and emotions). The very thing I feared was the very thing He was after. We should never fear transparency and confession before God. He alone is able to redeem everything in our life and longs for us to receive the gift of no condemnation and healing.

Because I consented to the journey and longed to know real love; HE was doing the work, even when I wanted to quit and I could not understand how I could be free. Freedom was there all along, but I could not see it or receive it until I was willing to let Him rule and reign in the areas of my heart where I had taken control and was trying to manage things in my own strength. The choice was mine as to how long I would resist His grace and love, striving unnecessarily in my flesh. I knew that He was not going to be satisfied until He made me exactly what He always intended me to be and He was never going to give up on me. My comfort zone became irrelevant.

What causes us to keep moving forward with intense discomfort?  There comes a point on the journey where He has proven Himself repeatedly and reveals His nature to us… the life-changing power of love, grace, redemption and hope. I began to realize that He does not see us as we are, but as we will be, complete in Him. He’s gained enough ground in my heart that I was constrained and compelled to follow Him all the way no matter what. Transitioning from being stubborn and strong in self-will to desiring to do only His will is gloriously liberating. It becomes a way of life, a daily act of worship.

Philippians 1:6   “For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.”

No, I didn’t realize that the Shepherd was going to reveal much more to me than I ever dreamed along the journey. I began in such a place of blinded self-focus hungering for my cup to be filled without the capacity to see the big picture or how my limited thinking and justified behavior was not in line with the unselfish love of Christ and a life that becomes hidden in His righteousness and grace. It IS all about Him and while He is well able to perform a miracle in our life and delights in blessing His children in a variety of ways; we must never underestimate the anointing that flows in willing surrender. The sanctified heart gives way to transformation and the anointing breaks the yoke of bondage, even years of bondage. The redemptive work of our Lord was complete at the cross, but it is for us to choose if we will receive from Him by faith. He will never force our will, He patiently waits for us to want Him. This is what the journey to the High Places is all about. It’s really very simple. It’s wanting Him more than we want relief from our troubles and more than we want His blessings.  

Until we recognize that we are all wrecks, we will strive in our own self-efforts and frustrate the costly gift of Grace. As we come to a place of desperation, we may feel forsaken or abandoned, but He is ever present and ready to restore us. Only He knows the depths of our heart, our needs, our potential and our true calling (everyone is called, I am not referring to ministers). If we cooperate with Him, He is faithful to transform us by His power and might. Resistance gives way to Receiving as we practice trust.

The journey is also about tenacity. Part of our discomfort will be allowing His redemptive work to displace erroneous thinking that opposes truth and this is painful because arguments are being torn down in our strongholds of thought. Those arguments feel real, but they are rooted in lies and they exalt themselves against the knowledge of God and steal abundant life from us if we allow them to remain. Whatever is not true and not rooted in love must be destroyed. We truly cannot offer healthy love to others until we have first received it. If I had not been wooed to this journey with the faithful Shepherd, I would forever be holding my cup out to others instead of up to Him. When He fills our cup, it overflows and we have life-giving water to offer to those that are thirsty for it. We are free to enjoy everyday no matter our circumstances. The “old man” dies and the new man is free to live with a renewed mind. I’m not speaking of initial salvation here, but the process of sanctification that transforms our carnal ways and allows God’s love to blossom in our heart. When the love of God is reigning in us instead of fear, it becomes much easier to discern anything that opposes love and truth. We become wise as serpents, gentle as doves. We delight in offering ourselves to Him daily because we recognize our need to live free from condemnation, fear and an unwillingness to obey His will.

When we reach the promised destination, we will look like the glorious sunflower, the strong and graceful deer and the winged butterfly that survived the dark chrysalis. I don’t know about you, but flying high and wide with beautiful wings appeals to me much more than creeping along on a branch with a limited view. I believe we were created to “stand out” radiantly like the sunflower and climb impossible mountains like the hart and hind.

I encourage you to stay focused on the One who has mapped the best path for you. He created each of us for a specific destiny and graced each of us with a unique personality and gifts. When we offer all we are back to Him in trust, He will sanctify those gifts and His life will be lived in and through us in a powerful way. His Love displaces the fear that thwarts us from developing in our authentic purpose. It is Love that changes us, it is love that draws us. The most wonderful discovery of all is receiving the revelation of the depth of love the Shepherd has for us. We love because He first loved us.

Now when I ride my bike or take a walk, I notice much more around me and the significance it holds for me. It’s like having a new pair of eyes, ears and sharpened senses. I really think our five senses can give way to a sixth sense called Love. The discomforts we experience at points along the journey are worth it as we draw closer to Christ and become saturated in His love. There is nothing that can satisfy soul longing but Christ. He created us for Himself and He does not withhold any good thing from us. He is a jealous God and patiently waits for us to long for Him.

Jeremiah 29:13  And you shall seek Me, and find Me, when you shall search for Me with all your heart.

Keep persevering friends and keep breaking through… it is our Shepherd that is faithful to do what we can’t do. He is a very present help in trouble. He is our refuge and our strength. He longs to be gracious to us (Isaiah 30:18). He will empower us to fulfill our destiny. Let’s cherish His presence on the journey and He will fully satisfy the longing in our soul.

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Below are some of my favorite quotes from Hinds’ Feet on High Places by Hannah Hurnard:

“I learned that I must accept with joy all that you allowed to happen to me on the way and everything to which the path led me. That I was never to try to evade it but to accept it and lay down my own will on the altar.”

“I learned I must bear all things that others were allowed to do against me and to forgive with no trace of bitterness.”

“I learned that you, my Lord, never regarded me as I actually was, lame and weak and crooked and cowardly. You saw me as I would be when you had done what you promised and had brought me to the High Places.”

“I learned that every circumstance in life, no matter how crooked and distorted  and ugly it appears to be, if it is reacted to in love and forgiveness and obedience to your will can be transformed.”

“There is only one satisfactory way of dealing with evil, not simply binding it so that it cannot work harm, but whenever possible, overcoming it with good.”

Much Afraid was given a new name… Grace and Glory. As she went leaping on the mountains with her hinds’ feet and skipping on the hills, she sang this song to the Shepherd (pgs. 210-211):

Set me as a seal upon thine heart

Thou Love more strong than death

That I may feel through every part

Thy burning, fiery breath

And then like wax held in the flame,

May take the imprint of thy Name.

Set me a seal upon thine arm,

Thou Love that bursts the grave,

Thy coals of fire can never harm,

But only purge and save.

Thou jealous Love, thou burning Flame,

 Oh, burn out all unlike thy Name.

The floods can never drown thy Love,

Nor weaken thy desire,

The rains may deluge from above

But never quench thy fire.

Make soft my heart in thy strong flame,

To take the imprint of thy Name.

On this Mother’s Day 2010, my heart is overflowing with gratitude for my mother, and also, for the incredible blessing of being the mother of two beautiful daughters. I cherish the gift of these relationships that grow deeper and richer as time goes by. I’m thankful for every moment that I am able to share with my mom, aware that many friends my age have lost their moms and miss them dearly. And, I cherish every moment I share with my daughters Sara and Rachel as we add to our treasure chest of memories.

My mom’s life had an impact on mine that set me on a life-changing journey. While growing up in an affluent town with everything a family could want; my mom suffered with mood swings and depression that intensified through my teen years. I didn’t realize how much it was affecting my life until age sixteen when I had thoughts of suicide. The heaviness that hung like a dark cloud in our household caused me to search for answers in all the wrong places. When I think back on it now, I think I wanted my mom to be happy more than anything else in the world, but God knew what was up ahead for her and also for me. Without elaborating on all the drama leading up to her turning point, let me say that my mom came into a personal relationship with Jesus Christ when I was nineteen years old. It was quite the epiphany since she was schooled in Catholicism for twelve years, repeatedly being taught who Jesus was yet never really knowing Him or receiving His love for her. In fact, I remember her mocking my grandfather when he would come for a visit a few times a year and tell us Bible stories. A dysfunctional family background and a spirit of rejection had hardened my mother’s heart and put her on an oppressive path of being driven to succeed and perfect her world. What she didn’t count on was the growing emptiness that she would feel after each successive goal was achieved. When there are issues of the heart that are not attended to, a person can be surrounded with success and people that care deeply for them while languishing in a pit that causes them to long for affirmation, significance and acceptance. This brings to mind a well known quote from Corrie Ten Boom: “There is no pit so deep that He is not deeper still.”

At a time when my mom had become quite numb, she and my dad went to visit friends for dinner at their invitation. My parents had known this couple since childhood days and they also knew they had been struggling with issues in their marriage and on the brink of divorce a few years earlier. What my parents saw and heard that fateful night was a couple that experienced redemption and restoration in their relationship and personal renewal of their faith in Jesus Christ. My parents witnessed a love in that couple that was beyond human understanding and that love was so powerful that they could not contain it; they were compelled to share it with their friends and invite them to partake of it. My mom had become so weary and miserable over the years in her quest for fulfillment that she came home that night and looked up at the ceiling in her bedroom, as if only a thin veil separated her and Heaven, and said, “If YOU’RE what I need, then I want You.” Yup, that was it. That was my mom’s cry to God and her salvation prayer. I don’t mean to blow any theological minds out there, but the Most High God heard that prayer loud and clear! My mom’s life has never been the same since that January night in 1978! Without knowing the four spiritual laws or anything about spiritual regeneration, the invisible prison that had held her captive had vanished and my mom was reveling in the light of God’s love. I saw an immediate change in her countenance and demeanor. It was as if all the joy that had been stolen from her over many years was being poured back into her daily. I watched her closely for days, waiting to see if this happiness would wear off, but it remained. Everything was becoming new for her on the inside and the love of God was radiating from her. Anyone on the outside of our immediate family would not understand the transformation because my mom had a persona that projected an image of perfection to everyone around her. We knew she had traded trust in her own self efforts for trust in God. For my immediate family, we knew my mom’s freedom was nothing short of a miracle. We lived with her, we knew…

It was only a matter of weeks after my mother’s salvation prayer that I received Jesus into my heart. I really had no idea what it meant to be a disciple of Christ; I only knew that Jesus had set my mom free and that was nothing short of a miracle. It was the beginning of a journey that would remake me and challenge me beyond anything I could imagine. It was also a commitment to trust that my Creator would lead me to places in Love that were impossible to reach any other way but with and in Him. I did not experience the same elation of emotions that my mom did when I received Christ as my Savior, and I’m thankful for that. I would have based my salvation on a flimsy emotional foundation in my immaturity that would’ve caused me to crumble in the first storm that blew my way. I thank the Lord that in His wisdom He revealed Himself in the way that He knew would keep me dependent on Him and cleaving to Him while He was at work transforming me on my journey. The inner witness of the Holy Spirit was a gentle presence and I would learn I must listen and allow His peace to be my guide in all things. His ways were higher and beyond my understanding and my need to be rooted and grounded in truth would draw me back to Him time and time again. He would woo me continually on my journey and work the mysterious work of transformation while it was hidden from my sight. I sometimes ponder how great a witness this is to the keeping power and grace of God. So many times I would want to go my own way and stumbled in my areas of weakness and willfulness, yet He would woo me back to the path of all things true, honorable and rooted in His amazing grace and love. Is there any greater blessing we can possess than a God that is for us not against us, ever ready to receive us no matter how, when or where we’ve sinned or failed? One of my life verses is from Romans 8:28: “And we know He works ALL things together for good to them that love God, to them that are called according to His purpose.”

My mom and I have very different personalities and temperaments. It’s so evident to me that God in His wisdom knows what each of us need from Him and He alone knows the path that will most effectively mold each of us to His likeness. In our differing journeys, we were able to share with one another the ways in which God’s love was penetrating our hearts and teaching us how to love each other and love others as God loves. As much as we all possess natural love for our loved ones, the deepest bond we can share with another is the unconditional love of Christ. My mom and I both learned through painful experiences never to judge or presume anything. We continue to practice inviting the Holy Spirit to change us from within no matter what difficult relationships or experiences we encounter in our lives. We hold each other accountable when we detect areas that are still fearful and not rooted in God’s perfect love. We’ve learned that no matter how different all of us are, no matter what touches our lives, there is nothing that the love of Christ cannot overcome. Of all that we’ve been through on our journeys, I believe the most valuable and powerful lesson we’ve learned is related to the freedom and love in “letting go.”

There was a period of time when my mom and I needed to “let go” of our own perceptions of each other and our expectations of each other. It was not an easy time for either of us, but I’m so aware it is only because of our relationship with Christ that we were able to come back together after a significant time of separation with a new found freedom in our relationship that many moms and daughters never experience. Because of the letting go, we drew healthy boundaries with one another, discovered things about one another we never knew, and found a new appreciation for the ways in which we could learn from each other without judgment, pressure or unrealistic expectations. We found a freedom in our relating that was supportive of advancing our individuality with a healthy respect that was honoring of who we were each called to be in Christ.

Many times it’s a challenge for women to let go when they’ve been a nurturer, caregiver or in a support role. It’s a difficult and deep lesson to walk out the process of becoming established in our identity in the unchanging Christ so that we don’t identify ourselves by our changing roles in our earthly relationships. It’s not uncommon for us to be blind to the ways we can feed resentment if we do not let go of our expectations, presumptions and sense of entitlement with those we love. I thank God for the invaluable lesson I’ve learned related to “letting go.” Although it feels scary and may even be painful at times, there is a peace that comes when we let go of people we love at appropriate times and seasons. We may be losing a former way of relating to them, but if we trust them to God, we find ourselves free from an oppressive spirit of control that limits and hurts the relationship because of invisible barriers. Some people may be in our lives for a season and some may return to find freedom to grow in relationship with us where that freedom did not exist before. It’s been my experience with my own daughters that as I continually let go in changing seasons of their lives, it allows for a greater enrichment in our relationship and freedom to grow and advance in all the changes life brings our way. We move into greater depths of intimacy that we would’ve never experienced had we stayed within the confining limits of “holding on”’ to what “was” due to fear of change. This was a life-lesson I’ve been learning to apply in every area of my life and on every level of relationship with people. It’s essentially a lesson in loving the way God loves and practicing the Biblical model of love found in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8.

Needless to say, many of my life-lessons were fueled by the example of my mom’s valiant spirit that was rooted in perseverance and surrender to God. We found a depth and richness in our relationship that was only possible because of the grace and love of Jesus Christ and the active work of the indwelling Holy Spirit. We have seen the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living and one of our treasures is the assurance that my daughters have an inheritance that is eternal and established in the love of Christ Jesus. So today, I honor my mother for inviting Christ into her life and for changing the course of my destiny forever. I see her as much more than a woman, servant, mother and grandmother. I see her as a valiant warrior that was translated from darkness into the glorious light of Christ’s Kingdom.

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